For the record, I hate you all

jaaaaaaaaaackfrost:

finding out someone you know is getting interested in something you’re interested in

(Source: jaclcfrost, via vladbride)

I have thoughts on thoughts on how BDSM porn influences people.

Today in infuriating: people equating BDSM and the kind of horrifying disregard for human life that results in sexualized torture/murder.

Yes it’s worth talking about how the community/pornography may contribute to these things, in fact please do, I know a lot of kinky writers who have written about the very topic

and obviously one needs to analyze one’s behavior and avoid perpetuating misogyny because, dude, women as a whole did not consent to that

but I was under the impression we had come to the consensus that even mainstream vanilla porn is fucked up and not representative of reality

and if my desire to find a good leader to follow is misogynist and brought about by the patriarchy, shit, I’m going to hate myself for the rest of my life in the service of feminism.

Clarification, the people saying “we need to talk about this” did not bother me, the people saying “any discussion of this will get shot down by kinksters going YOU JUST DON’T UNDERSTAND” bothered me.

Like what, I can’t /condemn a non-consensually sadistic murderer/? Or realize that the fuzziness about consent in porn leads to horrible?

There’s a conversation the kink community needs to have about misogyny (and other bad shit, racism and classism and the like) but it’s the same conversation that the world at large needs to have so singling out kinky people as the only ones who are resistant to having it is pretty disingenuous.

The really fun thing about the patriarchy is that it’s self-perpetuating and self-defending, so anybody who’s ever done anything has done something that falls under the umbrella of ‘bad for women’ and will get defensive when it’s called out.

no group is immune to this so can we please talk about how the universal disrespect and devaluation of women and women’s actions are the real problem here.

I don’t see how these conversations about all porn that involves injury to women being bad wrong and only inspiring abuse seem to forget about /the women/

they’re pretty important you know, being the ones who’re submitting

It’s not the injury or degradation or danger that makes things suck for those women, it’s whether they’ve consented to it or not.

I have seen a lot of kinky videos, y’all, and I almost always come away from them going ‘I want to /be/ her’ because some of us are masochists and submissives and want to be hurt and follow orders and that’s okay.

in an imaginary completely-equal culture of consent

there would be no worries about this because in any video of someone apparently being forced to have sex we would know that that person discussed it with the others earlier and wanted it.

unfortunately we do not live in that world but I assure you that if we did it would be much easier for people of all levels of submission and dominance to have emotionally healthy and loving relationships.

the thing we should take away from the influence of BDSM porn (and regular porn) on terrible acts is not ‘all of this is bad and wrong and should be banned’ but ‘how can we show consensual activity and the fulfillment of all parties in the activity’.

it is very hard to consent to and derive fulfillment from being violently and painfully killed. (It is probably possible under some circumstances. I would request a full psych work-up before you try doing it to anybody no matter how prettily they beg.)

but if there is no depiction of acts that would be unconscionable under other circumstances without an accompanying depiction of all parties consenting to said acts and deriving fulfillment from those acts

then there is no way to claim that someone who carried out one of those acts on a non-consenting person was somehow warped into doing something they otherwise would not have done by the influence of the depictions of said acts.

I mean we all assume consent in vanilla porn, right, because obviously if anyone jizzed on your face without your consent it would be sexual assault

what we need is certainty that acts committed on tape are consensual (which is an area that needs improvement in both vanilla and BDSM porn) and obvious consent /during/ (or before in the case of consensual non-consent) the acts. Not dismissal of all kinky people as whiners who can’t understand real feminism.

This is a tricky angle of course if you have already dismissed kinkiness as nothing more than bedroom roleplay.

Yo, I’m sorry my desire depends on something other than gender, but can we talk about how you think it’s ok to dismiss that.

I’m not even like - there’s no institutionalized prejudice going on here, okay, it’s hard to just look at a person and tell

(people do get fired and/or shunned when their kinkiness is discovered, but it’s not like it’s codified into law or anything, it is not as pervasive a problem as gender or race discrimination)

so whatever, we’re not Under Attack or anything

but I would like to be recognized as having a legitimate sexuality and not just being some other sexuality with a gimp mask on

that would be cool.